Olive Branch

After riding high on the rainbows and moonbeams of what has been the past month and probably the best of my life, I'm on the verge of full-on Godzilla mode (again).  

It would seem as though I have developed a vendetta against medical professionals but this is not the case.  Doctors who a) speak to the wrong person during my cancer treatment consultation (see Bananapants) and/or b) decline to write me a referral quickly from my favor.  I've favorably mentioned a certain Kaiser surgeon several times in this lil blog o' mine.  I can no longer do so.

It all started Tuesday morning when I put in a little call to Kaiser.  I assumed it would be quick and relatively painless.... I should have known better (dang my internal optimism).  I was inquiring into the status of my referral to Mayo for my surgery, which is slated for January 8th.  Everyone I've spoken with is certain a referral will be denied but sheer refusal to write said referral???  That was completely unexpected.  The aforementioned surgeon, without giving me a heads up, noted in my file that no referral would take place because he thinks they can perform the surgery I need at Kaiser.  The answer is no, you can't.  Mayo has been doing this for years and pioneered the treatment for my type of cancer.  I need a neuroendrocrine expert.  This has been my mantra for months and I'm not going to stop chanting it now.  The hospitals with neuroendrocrine expertise are Mayo and John Hopkins according to my research.  Mayo wins because it's closer than the east coast.  Kaiser and UC Hospital ruled out live donor liver transplant (down the road), Mayo put it back on the table.  Mayo will ablate the liver tumors, Kaiser chemoed them before and without concern for the primary tumor in the pancreas.  Everything they say at Mayo makes sense.  It is clear, concise and precise.  It's what I've craved all along.

The Kaiser surgeon talked me into an invasive surgery, the Whipple, that would have completely altered my life.  Both UC Hospital and Mayo agree that is not the best treatment.  Both UC Hospital and Mayo agree the primary, pancreatic tumor is in the body of the pancreas and can be saved in part.  The Kaiser surgeon repeatedly explained it's in the head of the pancreas and must be fully removed.  

A few tears, massive stress, and one zillion phone calls later.... Mayo is sending the request for the surgery referral.  Victory!  A measly victory but a victory nonetheless.  I'll take them any way they come!  Plus, I've been winning a lot lately so this little bump in the road isn't going to impede my army as we continue the march into battle.  

After Mayo sends the request, Kaiser can approve or deny it -- something I thought was already in the works.  At least the process is now started.  If we're denied we can appeal.  Since Kaiser is an HMO, a fantastic idea for health care until you get a rare cancer, they will probably not cover my surgery.  We called the Mayo business office and asked for an estimate on my surgery and subsequent hospital stay.  They quoted numbers that don't exist in Teachersalaryland where I live.  We are to walk in the door with an amount that is well above what I make in an entire year or I will be turned away.  Okay, laugh it off.  Whatever happens will happen.  Plus, my army is on fire right now and they are rocking the fundraising house!

(Quick side note:  Every ounce of my being rejects any idea of anyone giving me any money.  This is probably the hardest part of having cancer, honestly.  I'm learning that receiving the gifts people are willing to sacrifice from their own hard work is a lesson in deep humility and gratitude.  My fruitless search for the words to thank everyone continues in amplitude.  They will come someday, somehow, someway.)

So, Godzilla transformation adverted (again).  I don't hate doctors or the surgeon referenced several times in this post (see other posts for info about him, Mayo, and all things Lindsey/cancer related).  I'm simply trying to get cancer out of my body.  I'm not on the warpath against surgeons, Kaiser, or the medical system.  Although, it would be a lie if I said I hadn't thought about it a time or two or twenty.  My motives are to figure out how to have cancer.  How do I cope with this entity in my body which causes me daily discomfort and pain?  I've learned there is no clear process or list of procedures.  All I can do is listen to my body/heart/soul/mind.   They say Mayo is the best place for me to receive the treatment and surgery I need.  I will listen as I have done before.

I'm just a girl who wants to get better.