After hitting the publish button I let my thoughts float into space and out of my life. They served a purpose; a bit of therapy for me and info for my people. I randomly decided to reread and edit some of my blog posts. They read like a Hemingway lamentation for the ages. Woe is me! Cancer Chic, more like Cancer Dirge. I briefly pondered deleting them. I thought about deleting this blog entirely. Instead, I made a few minor adjustments and opted to keep the posts as a reminder of where I've been. Mentally and physically. Phrases like, "I know this will come back" and "these tumors are expected to return" got the boot. Interesting I'd written that because it's exactly what happened. I can't have expectations or beliefs of that nature wafting about.
Out with the old and in with the new. New treatment options, new hope, new healing, new oncologist, new faith, new ideas, new new new. I have cleaned out old ways of thinking and being. New spirit is flowing throughout my life. I've purged my home, work space/classroom, heart, mind, body. Time to purge tumors. It is time for fresh energy.
Following my surgery my brain took the stance I was cured and done with cancer. You can find my picture smack-dab under the word denial. I will be smiling. Physically I felt amazing. I checked out of cancer-patient mode and checked into LIFE. In my defense I was told this surgery was going to give me decades of life and basically “fix” things. It didn’t. But I digress. LIFE was beautiful. It was fun. During my surgery at Mayo they ablated the tumors left in the part of my liver they didn't cut out. I got to pondering why couldn't this happen again. Lindsey, MD. Mayo and Kaiser only offered me chemo, which would hinder the reconstruction of my body. There is no treatment protocol for my type of cancer so I'm making it up as I go. Dr. Eadens (Kiaser oncologist in case this is getting confusing) said ablations are a temporary solution, putting the proverbial "bandaid on the problem" and we should try a few more chemoemobliztion procedures. (You can read about this procedure in one my previous, bemoaning posts.) Dr. Rubin of Mayo, the man at the helm of my catastrophic meltdown last month, told me chemoembolizations are a temporary solution, putting the proverbial "bandaid on the problem." I'm thoroughly entertained. These two know each other! Eadens' fellowship at Mayo was with Rubin and supposedly they have been conferring about my treatment. They are the culprits for my current we have to get these tumors under control and I'm the only one who is doing anything about it situation. That will be all gentlemen, you're dismissed. But thank you. I felt lost and hopeless and sought answers from outside of myself. Now, my power is coming alive. I am looking inward, feeling dynamic and forceful again.
This week the University of Colorado Hospital got another crack at me. There is a bitter, slightly humorous post about my first trip to UCH. I found Dr. Messersmith, the oncologist I meet when I got a second opinion at UCH last year, once again when I was calling every doctor I know last month. I searched my inbox and located his emails. He informed me there is now a liver-specific interdisciplinary team at UCH. This team of doctors of different specialities meet and discuss treatment options. I made the appointment thinking, "eh, why not, I've got nothing else to do and my insurance will cover it." This go 'round went swimmingly. Kismit struck when part of the team, a young oncologist, stepped into my room. This was Dr. Lindsey Davis. I have literally found Lindsey, MD!!!! Her energy is magnetic, her aura delightful, laugh chipper, and voice honest. I love her. Nervously, I called the next day and proposed that she become my oncologist. She said YES! The appointment continued to go well when the team told me exactly what I wanted to hear. They are not going to ablate the tumors, but perform a procedure similar to the chemoemblizations with radiation. This minimally effects other parts of the body and directly targets the tumors. Chemo averted! I do NOT have to take any more chemo pills. My body-temple is healing. I feel great and grateful.
Out with the old and in with the new. New treatment options, new hope, new healing, new oncologist, new faith, new ideas, new new new. I have cleaned out old ways of thinking and being. New spirit is flowing throughout my life. I've purged my home, work space/classroom, heart, mind, body. Time to purge tumors. It is time for fresh energy.
Following my surgery my brain took the stance I was cured and done with cancer. You can find my picture smack-dab under the word denial. I will be smiling. Physically I felt amazing. I checked out of cancer-patient mode and checked into LIFE. In my defense I was told this surgery was going to give me decades of life and basically “fix” things. It didn’t. But I digress. LIFE was beautiful. It was fun. During my surgery at Mayo they ablated the tumors left in the part of my liver they didn't cut out. I got to pondering why couldn't this happen again. Lindsey, MD. Mayo and Kaiser only offered me chemo, which would hinder the reconstruction of my body. There is no treatment protocol for my type of cancer so I'm making it up as I go. Dr. Eadens (Kiaser oncologist in case this is getting confusing) said ablations are a temporary solution, putting the proverbial "bandaid on the problem" and we should try a few more chemoemobliztion procedures. (You can read about this procedure in one my previous, bemoaning posts.) Dr. Rubin of Mayo, the man at the helm of my catastrophic meltdown last month, told me chemoembolizations are a temporary solution, putting the proverbial "bandaid on the problem." I'm thoroughly entertained. These two know each other! Eadens' fellowship at Mayo was with Rubin and supposedly they have been conferring about my treatment. They are the culprits for my current we have to get these tumors under control and I'm the only one who is doing anything about it situation. That will be all gentlemen, you're dismissed. But thank you. I felt lost and hopeless and sought answers from outside of myself. Now, my power is coming alive. I am looking inward, feeling dynamic and forceful again.
This week the University of Colorado Hospital got another crack at me. There is a bitter, slightly humorous post about my first trip to UCH. I found Dr. Messersmith, the oncologist I meet when I got a second opinion at UCH last year, once again when I was calling every doctor I know last month. I searched my inbox and located his emails. He informed me there is now a liver-specific interdisciplinary team at UCH. This team of doctors of different specialities meet and discuss treatment options. I made the appointment thinking, "eh, why not, I've got nothing else to do and my insurance will cover it." This go 'round went swimmingly. Kismit struck when part of the team, a young oncologist, stepped into my room. This was Dr. Lindsey Davis. I have literally found Lindsey, MD!!!! Her energy is magnetic, her aura delightful, laugh chipper, and voice honest. I love her. Nervously, I called the next day and proposed that she become my oncologist. She said YES! The appointment continued to go well when the team told me exactly what I wanted to hear. They are not going to ablate the tumors, but perform a procedure similar to the chemoemblizations with radiation. This minimally effects other parts of the body and directly targets the tumors. Chemo averted! I do NOT have to take any more chemo pills. My body-temple is healing. I feel great and grateful.
When discussing my treatment options with Dr. Smith at the University of Colorado Hospital, he concluded with, “With these treatments most people can live 5 years.” I stopped him right there, “Whoa! Don’t talk like that. I plan on living for 50 years.” I will not have anyone predicting my future. You are not time traveler and I would venture to say you do not have a crystal ball. We are here now and no one knows what will happen tomorrow let alone in 5 years.
Love is bright light, Batman-signal shinning into the night, making its way from my heart into the universe. God is making its way from the universe to my heart. This is quite a shift from where I have been. And where I still may go. I will stumble and have bad days but my mind needed an overhaul and overhaul I have. There are new healers in my life. New spiritual group I attend on Sundays. New plans for the next fifty years of my life.
Raise your glass or fold your hands or lift your arms. Here's to an outrageous amount of fortune, love, and solutions.
I'm so glad you averted chemo and are able to move forward with a great new oncologist. I am also very glad that you kept your writing intake, instead of opting to delete your journey. There are many, like myself, who have followed you through each stage and hurry to open a new entry. Editing is important and I'm glad you are able to change some of the thoughts and ideas that no longer work for you. Now...my only suggestion would be to change your name from Cancer Chick to Cancer-less Chick...or something along those lines. Sending hugs your way!
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