Fruity

It's been a month since my first chemo.  The ups and downs of the past 5 weeks share altitudes with the Himalayas and depths of the Mariana Trench.  Single-handedly, I faced down soul-pulverizing sadness and despair.  Hand over hand I crawled out of that dark hole, regained my optimism, and reworked my entire thought process.  It's a bit of an endeavor to be in constant battle with your body and an uncooperative mind.  The thing about cancer is, if you have cancer, you don't ever think about anything else.  Thoughts might share some head space momentarily but really all you're capable of seeing, hearing, breathing, tasting, feeling is cancer.  Cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer.

For a maddening two weeks, I was utterly lost in sorrow.  I couldn't do much besides cry and think about dying.  Weakened from chemo I was unable to lead my normal, active life.  A sentence from the internet burned like the Eternal Flame behind my eyelids every bitter moment of the day.  Yes, I broke my own avoid-Google rule.  I refuse to give any credence to said sentence so I will not repeat it here.  On the other side of this harrowing episode, I picture a Sunday morning newspaper cartoon.  The image is just a black circle with a stick figure climbing from the hole looking frazzled but smiling.  I've emerged!  I guess that was what you would call a rough patch.  The one and only I will endure.  It was horrendous and I'm not doing it again. 

My rise from the cavern has brought about a restored attitude.  I feel so great.  I continually focus on thoughts of being healed and what I will do now that the cancer is gone.  The only statements allowed in my realm must all reflect positive sentiments as though we're on the other side everything is swell.  Now I'm picturing 1950's suburbia:  vivid green grass, brilliant blue sky, children laughing and playing as a stroll along in my pink, poodle skirt and perfectly coiffed hair.

This weekend I was able to walk around the park.  Wait for it.... not once, but twice!  A nominal feat just half a year ago.  Now, at 32 years of age, a huge accomplishment.  Let me tell you, it felt amazing.  A-MAZE-ING!  Equally amazing:  Acupuncture.  New obsession.  Also, I started my new job (same school) and I'm madly in love with it.   

Countdown to round two of chemo has begun.  T-minus two weeks.  Ready or not......