Garden of Eadens

My oncologist, Dr. Eadens, is a soft-spoken, kind-hearted, genuine man.  I don't know how anyone could talk to people about cancer all/every day so I salute you good sir.  His easy-tone and mild-manner makes shocking things seem pleasant and fine.

You have stage 4 cancer he informally states in his soothing, gentle voice at our first meeting.

Hummm, I think to myself, isn't stage 4 really bad.....????? But it didn't sound bad... Alright, no big deal.  Carry on, doc.

The primary tumor is in the pancreas and there are about half a dozen metastasizes in the liver.  

Oh.... that's a lot...

If they cannot remove the liver tumors through treatments such as chemotherapy, you may need a liver transplant.   

Whhhaaat?!  I'm 31.... who gets a liver transplant at 31?!  Who gets anything transplanted-- ever?!

"I need to lay down," I say at this point.  And I did.


There are several types of pancreatic cancer but they fall into two main categories: exocrine and endocrine.  Approximately 95 percent of pancreatic cancers begin in the exocrine cells in the ducts of the pancreas and sometimes in the cells that make pancreatic enzymes that aid digestion.  Within this category there are a number of tumor types, but about 95 percent are adenocarcinomas.

Endocrine tumors, also known as pancreatic neuroendocrine tumors (PNETs) are slower growing and develop in the islet cells, which produce hormones, such as insulin.  These cancers are rare, accounting for less than 4 percent of pancreatic cancers.  Neuroendrocrine carcinomas are hormone secreting tumors.  The type of neuroendrocrine tumors I have are called gastrinomas, named so because of the large amounts of gastrin they emit.  The normal range of gastrin in a human is less than 100 pg/mL... my tests came back at around 3,000 pg/mL.  Guess that's a bit high.

Tomorrow I have a CAT scan to get a clearer, more detailed picture of the tumors.  CAT scans are far more complete than the images we have already.  On Monday I meet with a surgeon to determine if we can operate.  Then we'll plan a strategy for treatment.

In the meantime I have a palpable blanket of love wrapped around me.  My people are so warm and kind it's overwhelming.   Trent gently took care of me while we were in Turkey (and still to this day), making sure I could eat when I was hungry and constantly had water as much of the medication I take requires me to maintain a steady flow of fluids.  The four-some: Todd, Bets, Jos and me.  What can I say?  Together forever.  My girlfriends laugh with me when I make terrible jokes about cancer.  Laughter is the best medicine and I love to laugh with these girls:  Lisa, Shelley, Julie, Amy, Sarah, Abby, Susan, Melissa, Diane.  My sister, Tiff-- your letters are the best thing anyone as ever given me, besides a refill on my Dr. Pepper.  "Stay together" (you know what that means).  Friends and family have messaged, emailed, and texted to show their support.  YES, I can feel it.  There is nothing you can do, I simply won't let you, because you have already done enough.  You are there for me, you are caring, you are thinking about me.

Thank you everyone.  If I had words or enough love to give back what you have given me, I would.  A thousand times over.







*A thousand times over is borrowed from The Kite Runner.  I think it's one of the most beautiful lines ever written and I could never come up with anything to equal it.